CAPTAIN’S LOG ABOARD THE GOOD SHIP PALESTINE; CAPTAIN ON ROTATION FOR WEEK OF 13/02/2148: TBAKHI, WAJIEH
Antenna is broke. Have requested Nadia assemble crew for repair. Communications
spotty at best. Need part but do not have in supplies. Outlook poor.
Left engine is broke. Some rumbling and shudder and we shifted off course. Naturally
a matter of semantics— do not have course per se, only direction
were going before and direction
we go now.
Quiet on board last few days. Suspect reality of leaving sinking in. Loneliness from soil,
sea, for many from brother, mother, &c. All suffused with regret, fear, loss &c.
How find grace here? Difficult question. On all minds if not lips. By this time Earth
not visible from viewfinder. All are unmoored, here in bucket of rusty salvation.
Many fear God not present. Uncertain myself.
Have taken liberty of preparing remarks to bolster community spirit
yet cannot work up courage to give them. At night lie awake
covered in sweat— fills mustache, sometimes get dizzy. Always
the feeling that these missives mean nothing. Folding and refolding
paper of notes to rouse rabble. Again putting it away. Uncertain.
Umm Hussain foot is broke. Caught in gear during antenna repair attempt. All
she said was sacrifice, sacrifice, over and over. Blood on the metal
to remind us of home. But then all around her others
moving to help— choreography— staunching— soothing— renewing repair.
And this too reminding of home. What we carry. What we don’t.
Just now we pass through some great strange cloud. I am overcome. Think to look up
in starchart but decide against. Instead take moment to bathe in wonder, awe,
love, &c. Feeling of possibility. This what ship offers, above everything.
This meaning of our choice to leave.
Second antenna repair attempt successful. Nadia made part from bits of wire, metal,
plastic cobbled from misc. objects. Feeling of great relief on board to hear
at last again voices of those left behind. Feeling perhaps of God once more.
Tomorrow, will speak to all. Courage now. Offer what I can. Yes.
How find grace. Yes. Like everything here.
Only exists
when we build it ourselves.
